purple gumballs

7.19.2014

Welcome to the world’s most pointless and stupid short story series: The Fruth and Eehika Mini-Mysteries! Get ready to waste approximately five minutes of your life.

This is a joke, and only a joke.

NB: By bright yellow skin, I mean that Fruth has actual yellow skin, like the color sample below this description. I am NOT trying to offend any culture or race.

Enjoy!



Fruth and Eehika sat at the edge of the bed, dangling their feet off the side and talking excitedly.


“I think I’m gonna get pink nail polish,” babbled Fruth excitedly, gesturing to her bare toenails. She was a short, lively girl with mousy, lank hair that was always plastered to her bright yellow skin.

“Yeah, you should,” Eehika agreed happily, her long, dark hair gently curling around her flawless face. “I’m getting silver, obviously.”

Fruth laughed quietly. Eehika was obsessed with any color to do with the moon— silver, gray, and black. Her room was covered with images of the moon and outer space.

“How are you so stylish?” Fruth asked for the millionth time to Eehika. She had a closet full of fancy clothes— dresses, skirts, blouses, jeans… You name it, and Eehika had it.
“Let me show you!!” cried Eehika excitedly, proud of herself for thinking of such an exciting pastime for the two of them. “Wait!” she cried. “Fruth, take off your clothes and leave on just your underwear and undershirt. Then you can try on this awesome outfit!”

“Yeah!” cried Fruth enthusiastically.

“Here, take this tank top,” she called, rummaging through her drawers. She tossed it to Fruth, who put on the white shirt immediately. Eehika resumed looking through her wardrobe, and pulled a denim jacket from a hanger. “Catch!” she called and Fruth was knocked over by the flying jacket. “Oops!” she chirped, finally pulling out a gray skirt for Fruth. “Try these on.”

Fruth got up reluctantly and pulled on the clothes.

“Cay-ute!!” shouted Eehika. “You look, like, perfect-o!” They giggled uncontrollably. “Fruth, you should totally wear this to the grand opening today. You could get, like white nail polish to match it!”

“Awesome!” agreed Fruth gleefully. “You look totally awesome too!”

Eehika was wearing a short silver dress with fishnet stockings and a white choker necklace.

“The silver polish will look awesome with that, Eehika!” Fruth exclaimed. 

***

The girls were going to the Grand Opening of Miss Eileen White’s new make-up parlor, called Flamingo’s Leg. All children under 13 could get a free manicure with any nail polish color of their choice. The signs posted around town said that 64 unique colors would be offered, including diamond, silver, gold, bubble gum, and Eileen’s special: Flamingo! The Flamingo nail polish mixed white, pink, and silver to give a special multi-toned and slightly glittery appearance.

“I’m so getting Flamingo,” Fruth had said first, but they agreed on the silver and white later.

The Grand Opening of the Bronze Gates, or as most people referred to it: the grand opening, was to take place at 1:00 that same day. They had two hours to eat and get ready. As the girls were already dressed, they just had to down their cherry pancakes, and be first in the nail polish line!

“Woo-hooooooo!” they squealed. They just couldn’t wait, and finished their pancakes and maple syrup in seconds. “Have fun!” Eehika’s mom called as they ran out of the house: the new salon was only a short, five-minute walk away. Eehika had never been so excited in her life. “Nail polish, jail polish,” she sang giddily and Fruth giggled nonstop.

***

Eileen White was as pretty in real life as she had been in the advertisements. She had the same long, white-blonde hair, and her nails were the signature candy-red color that she always painted them.

“He-llooo!” she crowed. Welcome to the Grand Opening of the Bronze Gates! There are no Bronze Gates—“ she paused to giggle femininely, “but it does sound cool!”

“Eileeeen! Eilleeeen!” cheered the audience gleefully. “EIL-EEN!” Fruth and Eehika joined in.

“So, my darling underthirteens,”— she said it like it was one word—“please choose your color! We have sixty-four today: just look at the card on the left and choose a color!”

A long line of children formed, their ages ranging from little three-year-olds to bigger eight-year-olds, and the oldest: twelve-year-olds like Fruth and Eehika.

“I want greeeeeeeeeeeeen!!” wailed a little three-year-old baby, with her mother standing beside her.

“Please give her clear nail polish,” she said firmly to Eileen, who whipped out a bottle from a huge collection next to the table.

“Oooooh!” squealed the line, seeing the rows and rows of nail polish in various colors. The line grew shorter and shorter as children walked away with newly-painted nails, smiling.

“Flamingo polish, please,” said the girl in front of Fruth. She was tall with waist-length blonde hair and looked incredibly uninterested. “No problem-o!” Eileen practically shouted, grinning. She pulled a beautiful, translucent gold bottle from the tray.

“Ahhhhh!” squealed the line, Fruth the loudest.

Eileen pulled out the little brush, and dipped it into the bottle. “Oh no!” gasped Eileen, the color draining from her face. “The polish— it’s the wrong color, and it’s rock hard!

“Some ‘grand opening,’”snorted the blonde girl and walked away, disgusted.

The line gasped in shock.

“Fruth, you go ahead, and get your white polish. I’m gonna bust this mystery.”

“You sure?” Fruth was surprised, but went ahead. “White, please,” she said soothingly. “My friend’s going to figure out what happened to your Flamingo nail polish. Don’t worry.”

“Oh, sweetie…” moaned Eileen, green in the face, “Don’t bother.”

“I promise,” Fruth continued, “my sister Eehika solves mysteries with me all the time. We’ll get this one cracked in no time.” She smiled, her yellow teeth matching her yellow skin perfectly.

“Thank you,” whispered Eileen, and opened a bottle of white nail polish. “Oh no!” she cried, tears running down her face. “Why? Why today?”

That’s all right,” said Fruth kindly. “Be right back. Gonna bust this myster-eeeee!” she sang.

***

Fruth joined Eehika in the storage room— it was clean, neat and organized: rows of multicolored nail polish lined the white shelves, and a big white bottle was on one side.

“Eehika— that bottle!” called Fruth, walking over to it. “It’s… glue!”

“Glue!” A smile broke across Eehika’s face. “I got it! Someone put… glue in the Flamingo polish! Someone who has access back here…” her voice trailed away as she thought.

“Eehika— let’s just go and ask Eileen!” Fruth exclaimed. “Ea-sy!

“All right…” agreed Eehika slowly. “I guess we can try that…” But Fruth was already out of the room, her yellow skin glinting in the light.

***

Eehika wandered around slowly, trying to locate her friend. Wow, what a big store this was! There! There was the unmistakable yellow-faced girl, talking to Eileen animatedly while scribbling on a writing pad.

“Okay…” she was saying, “So your only assistant is Pete. Hmm. Yeah, that sounds right. When was he in the store? Just this morning? All right. And the Flamingo was in there until a couple hours ago. All right. What? Are you insulting me? Did I hear ‘yellow skin?’”

Eileen just laughed softly, “Just kidding,” she said quickly. “Thanks so much for helping me.”

Fruth noticed a purple stain on the front of Eileen’s immaculate white dress. Weird, she thought to herself.

***

“Eehika, let’s look at the glue again.” Fruth said, fast walking back to the supply closet and looking inside the white bottle. “It’s purple,” she cried. “Eehika, the stain on Eileen’s dress was purple. D’you think…”

“Fruth, that doesn’t make any sense. Eileen was crying, for heaven’s sake. She can’t be that good of an actor. That’s just ridiculous!”

“But…” Fruth said slowly, and her eyes lit up. “I know exactly what to ask Eileen!” Eehika was surprised. “What?”

“Just wait!” shouted Fruth, bolting out of the room again.

“Eileen!” Fruth shouted again. “You have to tell me. Who has been working in your store today? I need all the names, and describe them. Start.”

“Well…” Eileen started slowly. “There were the models, wearing the pink dresses and my Flamingo polish, you know. There was Ashley, she’s eighteen and…”

“Slow down!” Fruth scribbled frantically on a piece of paper.

Eileen laughed. “Sorry— so she’s eighteen. Long blonde hair. Wavy. Blue eyes. Is that enough description?”

“What color skin?” asked Fruth.

“Well, she has peach skin, but you, my dear Fruth,”— she said the name in a horrible, mocking manner, “have yellow skin.”

Fruth blushed dark yellow.

“Never mind,” she said quickly. “Who else?”

“So, there’s Rita, she’s pretty old. Fifty-five or sixty, I’d say. She was wearing a pink dress too. A lot of makeup. Trying to cover up the wrinkles, I’d say.”

“Got it,” Fruth said tersely. “And…”

“There’s a man, duh.”

“A man? In a pink dress?” Fruth was puzzled.

“Idiot. Amanda. A-M-A-N-D-A.”

“Oh,” Fruth said. “What does she look like?”

“Long black hair, wavy,” she said. “Quite pretty, actually. Kind of like your friend Eehika over there. Right, and she was wearing a white dress. I though it’d complement her eyes better. They’re sort of a violet.” Eehika was in earshot and she blushed bright red (not yellow, like Fruth).

“All right, thanks.” Fruth said, darting out of the room immediately and re-entering the storage room.
***

Fruth bent over her notebook, thinking fiercely. Eehika sat nearby, thinking. After a few minutes of thinking, Eehika stood up and looked under the glue bottle.

“Fruth,” she said. “It’s gum under this bottle. Who was chewing gum today?”

They thought for a moment. Suddenly, Eehika remembered something else. There was a huge display of candy in the front of the shop, and there had been gum balls there, purple ones, like the lilac gum under the bottle and the stain on Eileen’s shirt.

Together, they slowly walked to the front of the shop, Fruth’s skin a pale yellow in anticipation. Eileen quickly popped something into her mouth, something, round, and purple.

“Gum!” they shouted together.

Fruth fished a quarter out of her pocket and twisted the dial on the machine. “Yum…” she said, sticking the purple gum ball into her mouth.

“That’s a good idea for you,” Eehika said harshly. “After all, purple and yellow are complimentary colors.”

“Shut up!” shouted Fruth, sucking on the gum ball.

Because Fruth’s mouth was full of gum, Eehika decided to do the final investigation. She dashed back to the room, picked up the glue bottle in one hand and the chewed gum in another. Eileen was blowing bubbles, and one popped on the table. The wad sticking there looked exactly like the one Eehika was holding in her hand.

“What do you have to say to this, Eileen?” she said pushily, putting the gum next to the fresh one on the table and pointing to the stain on her dress. “I found this gum under a bottle of glue that YOU USED TO RUIN YOUR OWN FLAMINGO POLISH!”

Eileen shrugged, but Eehika saw the badly-disguised shock on her face.

“I know you did it,” Eehika continued. “But the question that remains is… why?”

Eileen spat the gum out in her hand, and her face started to turn the exact purple color of the gum. “All right,” she finally agreed. “I’ll tell you.”

“The Flamingo…” Eileen started, and burst into tears.

“Uh-oh,” mumbled Eehika to herself. Fruth blew a huge bubble which burst onto the face. She made a big show of removing the purple film from the yellow.

The Flamingo polish,” Eileen continued, “was not my idea. My mother, who’s now very sick at home, copyrighted the color many years ago. It’s against the law to call it mine. I just wanted people to come to my shop.” A fresh set of tears coursed down her face. “I didn’t want here to see it on someone’s nails, because I knew she was finally getting out of her bed to come to my dinner reception today. I thought that I could pretend that someone else mixed glue into it, and I could destroy the bottles later.” Eileen took a deep breath. “It wasn’t a good idea. But now nobody will come here.” She started to wail.

“Don’t worry,” Fruth said soothingly, we’ll be back in a couple hours, in time for dinner, with the perfect replacement. Just let me take these…” she pulled a few bottles of purple, silver, and black polish off the shelf. “Do you have any empty bottles?”

They left five minutes later, armed with the nail polish and six extra bottles. 
***

Exactly two hours later, they showed up at Eileen’s house, with their concoction in a tray. It was a mixture of the three colors and some alcohol and oil to keep them separate. It worked beautifully— both Fruth and Eehika had tried it out on their toenails.

“Here you go,” they said, holding the new polish. “It’s called Fruth’s yellow polish.”

Eileen just smiled.

1 comment :

go on, make my day. ❤