shattered memories // fiction (I'm back!)

8.11.2015

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Each footstep is a shattered memory of the past. Each pointed toe and flexed leg is a remembrance of broken bones and an empty stomach. I am no longer full, there are holes in me that cannot be repleted. It's an emptiness that no number of leaps and turns can replenish. The piano chords are not what they used to be. The lively notes no longer dance; the chords instead tattoo dully against my skull. The gentle harmonies mean nothing to me anymore.

The floor swallows my feet, the bouncy hardwood more like slashing blades at my worn toes. There had been a time when my tattered pointe shoes were my proud battle scars of the past. Now they only fuel the hopeless spirit that claws at my insides. It's a cruel beast that will do anything to escape. Any amount of tears and desperation cannot satisfy it.

My perfectly executed moves impress everyone but myself. To me, it remains a monotonous routine of painful exercises that mean absolutely nothing. Every leap is nothing but a carefully planned, momentary suspension. Ballet is only a monotonous, uncomfortable habit that hurts. I'm no longer flying, no longer soaring.

The pain in my feet may have subsided, but the pain in my heart never will.
Hello everyone! I am so happy to be back after a long, impromptu blogging break. In the past few weeks, I've been in the northwoods of Michigan, studying oboe at Interlochen - which has honestly been one of the best experiences of my life. I know it's ironic to write fiction about giving up ballet after coming back from an arts camp - but I swear it isn't related. This was based on a prompt. :) I can't wait to get back into blogging and I've missed you all. ❤

30 comments :

  1. YAYYY I'm so glad you'er back, Arushee <3 i've missed you tonz. arts camp sounds delightful, and this piece of writing is drop-down gorgeous <3

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    1. Thank you so much, Autumn! I'm glad to be back, too :)

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  2. I enjoyed reading this very much. And I'm glad to see you're back! How's that oboe playing coming along?

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  3. So glad you're back. The internet and all your friends (especially moi) missed you. <3

    I love this piece of writing. It totally explains what I went through when I quite dance...

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    1. thank you so much <3 it's great that you can relate.

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  4. Oh, this is beautiful, but it hurts so much; the pain. I'm glad to see your back! :D

    xoxo Morning

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  5. All of your readers have missed you! This was such a gorgeous piece of writing. How superb!
    ~ Sanjana
    peridotcove.blogspot.com

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  6. I've missed your writings and general posts! SO glad to see you're back:)

    And your story is beautiful!

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    1. I'm happy to be back, too! And thank you. <3

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  7. This is so lovely! Welcome back :)

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  8. Welcome back, Arushee! and ERMAGAWD THIS FICTION. <3 what even. It's so tragic. Well done, you awesome girl. ♥

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    1. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
      You're the sweetest :) xoxo

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  9. too beautiful for me to try to say how amazing this is <3<3
    i've missed your posts while you were gone! xxx

    p.s.: i tagged you for this 777 challenge thing on my blog. :D <3

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  10. I'm SO glad you're back.
    And, Arushee, that was so. Friggin. Beautiful.

    -T. x

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  11. I'm glad you're back!
    Your writing is lovely.
    -Jollygirl
    http://reflectionsofajollygirl.blogspot.com

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    1. I'm glad I'm back as well! And thank you <3

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  12. I hope you check out my blog and please follow by email! :) creatingpreciousmoments.blogspot.com

    ~Ashley

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  13. how how how.
    This is so good <3
    And welcome back!

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  14. this is such a beautiful post!
    - azia | http://xokxt.blogspot.com/
    bloglovin' | https://www.bloglovin.com/blogs/kiss-me-goodbye-13875313

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  15. Yay! You're back!

    Btw.. Being a dancer myself; I love the pic!

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go on, make my day. ❤